The Cynics Guide to Karma Sense Eating

Executive Summary

I’m getting some fabulous feedback on The Karma Sense Eating Plan.


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but one comment from my very own sister, made me do a spit take. We first met my sister in this post about Brown Adipose Tissue in which I responded to the following comment:


To Protect Privacy Visual Approximation in Profile Picture

Now I have to contend with this most recent comment that made me spray red wine out of my mouth.


What My Judging Self Heard. Not What She Literally Said.

Now I love and respect my sister and know she has my best interests at heart which is why I took that comment seriously. Here I am, believing I’m the great debunker of wellness bullcrap and she’s accusing me of being frou-frou?

So I reflected upon all of the contents of The Karma Sense Eating Plan and used my most extreme empathetic skills to consider “if I wanted an over-the-top Karma Cynic to experience the benefits of The Karma Sense Eating Plan, what would I recommend?” This post contains those recommendations.

Karma Sense for Cynics

If Your Food Needs an Ad, It’s Most Likely Bad.

Advertising is manipulation. Advertising is something companies do because they believe that unless they spend money to convince you that something is good, you won’t believe that it’s good.

You’re not really that gullible. You don’t believe the cookies were made by elves and after you ate them, you didn’t think that they tasted all that good.

Fresh nutritious food makes you feel better after you eat it. Does a Lean Cuisine make you feel better after you eat it? Does Red Bull really give you wings? These are extreme examples but at what point do you start believing the manipulation?

On multiple occasions, The Karma Sense Eating Plan asks that you avoid eating processed foods because they tend to be nutritional wastelands that cost more than they’re worth and while convenient, usually don’t taste so great. Most foods with advertising budgets are processed.

Yes there are exceptions. The California Raisins are minimally processed but compared to other fruits, they’re not so great either.

Any Resemblance to California Raisins and the Poop Emoji is Purely Coincidental



So cynic, forget about those five wise-groovy mantras of The Karma Sense Eating Plan. Instead, don’t buy into the hype. Avoid foods that need to advertise. You’ll be well on your way to healthier eating.

Food is More Like The Avengers Than it is Like Superman

And I say this not only because Marvel Comics are superior to DC Comics (It’s just a fact, yo!).

In the comic book world, you have your lone-wolf and you have your ensemble. Superman is a lone wolf. The Avengers are a group of heros whose unique powers combine to form the ultimate fighting force.

You may have heard of “superfoods.” Kale or Quinoa. Greek yogurt or green tea. Even some foods that aren’t alliterations. They all at some time got tagged as superfoods.

Good for you? Yes. Super? No.

Focusing on any single food because of supernatural qualities is just silly. Assuming something is nutritious because it contains one of these superfoods is ludicrous.

McDonalds Kale Caesar Salad/ More Calories and Salt than a Big Mac. Less protein.
McDonalds Kale Caesar Salad/ More Calories and Salt than a Big Mac. Less protein.

We get the most out of food when we include variety. Beyond kale, there are beet greens, chard, collards, dandelion greens, mustard greens, arugula and so on, all with their own fantastic nutrition profiles and amazing flavors.

Eat a variety of nutritious foods. Don’t buy into the superfood hype.

You didn’t really think I’d get through a The Karma Sense Eating Plan (available here) post without a superhero reference, did you?

The Best Way to Detox is to Don’t-Tox

Being the cynic that you are, you may be immune to the siren call of the “Detox.” Detox when applied to eating is a buzz word for any number of techniques that supposedly flush your body of nasty things that accumulate through the act of eating. An example of a detox protocol is the “juice cleanse,”  a technique in which all sorts of whole foods are stripped of their nutritious dietary fiber to create the illusion of consuming more of a healthful food than anyone possibly could in one sitting. I’m talking about taking $30 worth of perfectly good produce and turning it into a glass of stuff that looks and sometimes tastes like sewer algae.

A Fine Bouquet of Frog Turds with Sulfur on the Nose.
A Fine Bouquet of Frog Turds with Sulfur on the Nose.

Here’s the thing. Your body is the noxious waste disposal system that civil engineers dream of. You have evolved into the perfect toxic avenger (not to be confused with Marvel Comic’s Avengers who can kick the Justice League’s ass!).

When it comes to food, your body doesn’t need any stinking detox. Instead, what it needs is for you not to put any toxins in it in the first place. Don’t eat foods with trans fats. They were not designed with you in mind. They are synthetic abominations made to make foods last forever and to hide the fact they taste worse than frog turds (not that I’d know).

Artificial colors and flavors aren’t meant for human consumption. So-called “natural flavors” usually aren’t so great either.

Things made in factories that get added to your food at the source, such as antibiotics, synthetic pesticides and synthetic fertilizers, are poison. Antibiotics and pesticides are literally poison. They are made specifically to kill living things.

If you eat real food that doesn’t contain toxins, you don’t need to worry about removing toxins. Many detoxes aren’t harmful. But they also aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.

Forget About Mindful Eating. Just Eat. JUST Eat!

The Karma Sense Eating Plan (which I believe is still available for purchase) stresses mindful eating. And it does so knowing full well that “mindful eating” is a hackneyed buzzword (“hackneyed”, however, is a word I think we can never hear enough). Do you know how I know “Mindful Eating” is a hackneyed buzzword? Because this book exists:


I so believe in the power of Mindful Eating. But according to my sister, I’m a full blown Kumbaya-singing-rainbows-and-unicorns hippie. So forget about mindful eating. Instead, just eat. JUST eat, I mean ONLY eat. Don’t:

  1. Watch TV.
  2. Read (yes, even comic books!).
  3. Stew over the events of the day (stewing over your stew is OK).
  4. Fret about what’s to come (not even if you’re fretting about the next course).

Just eat. Smell your food. Taste your food. Observe how your food feels in your mouth. Recognize how you feel as you eat it.

Got an engaging dining companion with whom you’d like to converse? Go ahead. Meals are a social event. But remember, if you’re talking while you’re eating, you’re eating with your mouth full. Mom won’t approve.

Have nothing to talk about? Talk about what you’re eating.

Just eat and only eat because you’ll enjoy your meal better. That’s all.

Sorry Cynics. The Gratitude and Self-Affirmation Stuff Just Isn’t Bullcrap

There is no way you will get me to back down from The Karma Sense Eating Plan’s encouragement to intentionally acknowledge gratitude to yourself and to others. It’s science. This practice:

  1. Makes you happier.
  2. Strengthens relationships.
  3. Toughens you up.
  4. Gives you patience.

Gratitude and self-affirmation are the lowest energy ways to achieve a happier life. If you’re not living this way it’s not because you’re a cynic who doesn’t believe. It’s because you’re afraid it might work and you’ll discover you’re not as cynical as you think.

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